Saturday, February 18, 2012

Keep your friends close... Just dont ask them for advice.

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Phew!

Were you fortunate enough to be in love? Or were you the scrooge of Valentine’s Day as so many single women...and men, usally are.
Why the indignation towards what the young and old in love perceive as a joyous occasion?

Clip Clop, Clip Clop, The horse and carriage drivers work around the clock, driving their princes and princesses on a fairytale ride around the city (vomit). They make more money on this day than they do for the rest of the month. Breathe in deeply, ahhh, what do you smell? The scent of roses amalgamated with the scent of various perfume fragrances adorned by those attempting to make an impression. Is that Old Spice? 

Restaurant prices double, sleep deprived florists have been awake for 24 hours, greeting cards and the makers of BIC pens see their profits sky rocket. All in the name of L.O.V.E.

Cafes, bars and restaurants are filled with those gloating; singles are miserably voicing their opinionated statements at the women with men on their arms. These women proudly hold their bouquet of flowers as if they are the statue of liberty. “Slut!” I hear you say. “She has more makeup on than Krusty the Clown.” Remark after cruel remark...There's that smell of overdosed male cologne again. Yet this time, it’s a gentlemen approaching YOU, his prey. Yes it’s you and your squabbling group of friends about to be invited into a spider’s web of laughter, drinks, feel good comments, deceit, lies and an invitation back to his place or yours for some hard and fast sex. You shall awaken thinking you have found your Prince, when really all you find is a used condom at the end of your bed. For Valentine’s Day is the pick up artist’s most anticipated day of the year.

My sincere apologies if you were preyed upon and thus invited to the Prince’s quarters, which inevitable became the devil’s den. If you haven't received any communication back from him yet, you’re not going to. Leave it in the past and heed my warning. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ask your friends for advice. Female friends or gay males... they will tell you nothing more than what you want to hear. Which is not what you need to hear right now.

"Should I call or text him?" The correct answer isn’t, "I would, at least then you will know where you stand." Your friends are exactly that, FRIENDS. Do not look to them for advice on the men in your life. ESPECIALLY, if that friend is also single. Last thing she wants is her only single friend getting hooked up. Where does that leave her? On the couch watching re-runs of Sex and the City, eating a tub of ice-cream and then hitting the pillow with her fluoro vibrating friend. This helps no one. Males included.

You want to know where you stand, know the right questions to ask and when to ask those questions. Know when to text first, answer last. Well, consider me your FREE dating aid. I have seen, done, seen it again and done the fat friend just to get to her pretty roommate. I wont give you a picture through rose-colored glasses... Just the bare naked truth.

Leave your comments or questions below anonymously, and I will endeavor to get back to you faster than your last one night stand left your bed once he was done pleasuring himself... the asshole!
Remember, YOU choose to be single by the mistakes you make when playing "the game."

Till the next time you read from me...


  1. Another great post! Thank you I am really looking forward to the "Dating aid" as there is a guy that I thought likes me however this was confirmed by my single friends. The texting is like a game meaning one he takes a day to get back to me and then I enter the game. So I got fed up and left it. So I am very intersted in hearing all of it.
    Thank you Kent Clark...
    From "Single girl"

  2. "Single girl" - Not for long. Coming up next, the do's and donts of texting. Keep in mind, a text can be easily misinterpreted. Short and sweet... more to come soon.