The eX Factor

                The eX Factor

Firstly, thanks to all for the great response to my last post. The more feedback I receive, the better information you will receive from a male POV. The thirty-second text message time frame cannot be ignored; there really is no excuse for a non-response the same day you’ve sent a text.

I’m going to step away from the text message discussion but will readdress in the next post.

Now, It seems many of you have a common query, a concern of sorts and have requested a male opinion. 

Do I date my Ex? The answer is YES…and NO.

We’ve all been there, the break up, the sudden feeling of being alone, the constant reminders of that relationship, whether good or bad. That song that comes on the radio that makes you punch a pillow in anger or cry tears whilst reaching for the tissues. Then it happens…

You get a text message or email from him asking if you’re okay. (It’s very rarely a phone call). The message telling you how much he’s missed you, the message that says: Maybe I made a mistake, can we catch up and chat about things, see if we can work things out?

You should respond: Who is this? Nothing is going to change in two weeks or two months. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you and don’t let the dribble that comes from his mouth deceive you.

Men are like dogs. We like to mark out territory and we get extremely upset if another dog is sniffing around our tree, let alone peeing on it! The messages you receive in the first month of a break up should be avoided at all costs. This is a man merely stroking his ego, as you are no longer there to stroke anything else.

If he has recently broke up with you and then contacts you in the first month, it’s for the following reasons.

·      Sex

·      To see if you have moved on (his ego)

·      Sex

·      To pick up anything he may have left behind

·      Sex

·      To keep you on the hook while he fishes elsewhere.

·      SEX

If this is happening to you then NO, it is not Okay to date your Ex. He broke up with you for a reason…or you dumped his ass for a reason; those reasons are still there and will not change. Not in a month…not in three months. The off again on again late night sex sessions are doing you no favours. You can’t tell me that you’re enjoying the sex. Surely afterwards he’s made an excuse and exited stage left, telling you that he feels bad and maybe he shouldn’t be there. It’s too soon.

Let’s say you’ve broken up with your Ex semi-amicably (I don’t believe that exists); and then, say, 18 months later you bump into him, exchange pleasantries and go your separate ways, thinking about the good times, not the bad. If he texts or emails you requesting some further face time. GO FOR IT. But under no circumstances do you contact him first. Why? You must be the receiver of the messages. This relays to my previous posts. You need to be in control of the when, where, why, how often and what time you meet. Not he. If you really want this to work then follow the rules, and treat this like a new relationship.

People do change and great relationships depend on great timing. When you’re in control of your emotions then you can begin to think with your head and not your heart.

If you have decided to walk this path, then eyes wide open please. If you see the old patterns re-emerging, the late notice about dinner plans, the 5 hour or 5 day text response times, the taking of the phone to the toilet… then pull the pin and let this go. He hasn’t changed and he won’t change. Hopefully this time, you controlled “the game” and haven’t ended up hurt.

Remember, the best predictor for future behavior is what has transpired in the past. Be open to the possibility of successfully dating your Ex, but don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.

Tell all your friends, don't forget to hit that FB like button to the right. 

I'll be in touch soon. Till then... 

HUMP DAY (the day before)

Wednesday. Some refer to this day as "Hump Day." Hump day has many meanings for many people, and for the players of the world. Hump Day is exactly that. This is the day reserved for the follow up meeting from the weekend.

You may find that you will receive a text on Hump Day eve. If so, this is the set up for the Hump Day rendezvous. Depending on what you want from this encounter, text carefully.

10:30pm -  Your phone rings/vibrates on your bedside table, you're excited at the prospect. You look at your screen and find a favorable text message from the male entertainment you met on the weekend.
10:31 pm - You respond accomodating his request. The evening plays out better than you thought. How was it? What was it? Did you ever hear back from him again? Of course you did. Same time, same day the following week, and the following week after that, do you see the cyclical chain?

Lets have a sliding doors moment. 

10:30pm - Your phone rings/vibrates on your bedside table, you're excited at the prospect. You look at your screen and find a favorable text message from the male entertainment you met on the weekend.
11am - The following day, you respond to his text Via text: Sorry missed your text. Up late thinking about me were you? I'm flattered.

Mr.late night text will respond in one of two ways:

1. Now challenged, he will text you at an appropriate time. You have now been removed from his "BOOTY CALL" list. Congratulations, he's intrigued.

2. Silence. Late that evening he will attempt another late night text in the hope he can gain the upper hand. He will make out that he has been "sooooooooo busy" that he didnt have a chance to get back to you until now. May attempt phone sexting.

These first text message exchanges and the timing of them are imperative to the foundation of the type of relationship you want to pursue.

Now, let's get one thing straight. I'm all for the occasional, fuck it moment, I'll just roll with the punches, and if I can have some fun in the process... I deserve it. I get all that and you do deserve it. My text message opinions are reserved for those who are sick of the games and would like to be wined and dined before the...

Here are some Text guidelines and observations for you to look out for:

Day time texts: He's into you. He wants to know more about you, your day to day life and what makes you happy/sad.

Evening Texts: He has been thinking about you during the day but is not at the stage where he wants to get involved...yet. You can invite him into your world.

Night time (any time after 9:30pm: He wants sex and sex only. Respond if this is what you want...and only want. Very rare that these engagements go any further. I'm sorry to say, you don't have a magical vagina. Show me a swimsuit model and I'll show you a man who is sick of fucking her. 

Next post I will delve into more detail about response times and suggestions on how to keep him on the hook.

Tell your friends and come join me on facebook and twitter.  Links are to your right.

Till the next time you read from me...

 
 
  

Text him...text him not....text him?

How many times do you check your "Smartphone"?

I have had many of you ask me for an interpretation of various text messages from particular males in your life.

Text interpretation is almost impossible. You can show the same text message to three people and get three different opinions... You're going to decide which one suits your mood best, most likely the one that makes you smile, gives you hope. Hey, who wants to interpret things realistically? I do. 
I'll give you the best and worst case scenarios.

But before messages are interpreted, let's go through some do's and don'ts of texting the NEW men in your life. The when and when NOT'S... The time to wait and the time to text. All these moments lead to men wanting to continue the pursuit and men giving up the chase as they have a bigger fish on the hook.

If you have been approached and invited into the courting process, please begin with written communication. This is important.

This allows you to gauge whether or not you have just been hit on by a possible jack the ripper copycat, it  also allows you time with your thoughts before responding to certain questions.

It also tells the male, 'you want me, chase me.' Contrary to what some female dating enthusiasts will tell you, if he's into you then he's into you, all the game playing will not change this. From me to you, if you read this anywhere or are told this from someone; ask your girlfriends how many men are communicating with them now and how often are they cuddling up to their body pillow (vibrating feature optional)? 

Men love anything that involves a thrill and some competition, mentally or physically. Sure, give me your number, I'll call you, take you out and give you the greatest 4 minutes of your life, when I get you back home and use you for my pleasure. Will I call you again? Maybe, if I'm bored and I have no one else giving me anything, then why not. Want to keep me, make me chase, make me beg, offer me something different, show me I'm still a man and have to work for it. It makes it all the more rewarding for us and coincidentally you.

We can all agree that everyone, nowadays, has the ability to communicate in the palm of their hands. Most carry this device with them closely, most check it every 7 mins, keep this in mind when reading the following:

The first text is key. Like a first impression in a job interview, your response and the time it takes to respond will be judged. Text me back too quickly and I know that you have been waiting for me to text eagerly. Make me wait to long and I'll begin to think you are arrogant and my follow up texts will be short and sweet. I want to gain the ascendancy...I'm a man, remember.

Next post I will go through the response times depending on the time of initial text. This post will be one you will want to tell your friends about.


I am now FACEBOOKABLE... arent we all? Please click and like the page. Remember, sharing is caring...even in this competitive game of love. Tell all your friends.

https://www.facebook.com/theblogmendontwantwomentoread?ref=ts&fref=ts


Feel free to leave a comment below.

Till the next time you read from me...

Keep your friends close... Just dont ask them for advice.

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Phew!

Were you fortunate enough to be in love? Or were you the scrooge of Valentine’s Day as so many single women...and men, usally are.

Why the indignation towards what the young and old in love perceive as a joyous occasion?

Clip Clop, Clip Clop, The horse and carriage drivers work around the clock, driving their princes and princesses on a fairytale ride around the city (vomit). They make more money on this day than they do for the rest of the month. Breathe in deeply, ahhh, what do you smell? The scent of roses amalgamated with the scent of various perfume fragrances adorned by those attempting to make an impression. Is that Old Spice? 

Restaurant prices double, sleep deprived florists have been awake for 24 hours, greeting cards and the makers of BIC pens see their profits sky rocket. All in the name of L.O.V.E.

Cafes, bars and restaurants are filled with those gloating; singles are miserably voicing their opinionated statements at the women with men on their arms. These women proudly hold their bouquet of flowers as if they are the statue of liberty. “Slut!” I hear you say. “She has more makeup on than Krusty the Clown.” Remark after cruel remark...There's that smell of overdosed male cologne again. Yet this time, it’s a gentlemen approaching YOU, his prey. Yes it’s you and your squabbling group of friends about to be invited into a spider’s web of laughter, drinks, feel good comments, deceit, lies and an invitation back to his place or yours for some hard and fast sex. You shall awaken thinking you have found your Prince, when really all you find is a used condom at the end of your bed. For Valentine’s Day is the pick up artist’s most anticipated day of the year.

My sincere apologies if you were preyed upon and thus invited to the Prince’s quarters, which inevitable became the devil’s den. If you haven't received any communication back from him yet, you’re not going to. Leave it in the past and heed my warning. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ask your friends for advice. Female friends or gay males... they will tell you nothing more than what you want to hear. Which is not what you need to hear right now.

"Should I call or text him?" The correct answer isn’t, "I would, at least then you will know where you stand." Your friends are exactly that, FRIENDS. Do not look to them for advice on the men in your life. ESPECIALLY, if that friend is also single. Last thing she wants is her only single friend getting hooked up. Where does that leave her? On the couch watching re-runs of Sex and the City, eating a tub of ice-cream and then hitting the pillow with her fluoro vibrating friend. This helps no one. Males included.

You want to know where you stand, know the right questions to ask and when to ask those questions. Know when to text first, answer last. Well, consider me your FREE dating aid. I have seen, done, seen it again and done the fat friend just to get to her pretty roommate. I wont give you a picture through rose-colored glasses... Just the bare naked truth.

Leave your comments or questions below anonymously, and I will endeavor to get back to you faster than your last one night stand left your bed once he was done pleasuring himself... the asshole!

Remember, YOU choose to be single by the mistakes you make when playing "the game."

Till the next time you read from me...