The eX Factor

                The eX Factor

Firstly, thanks to all for the great response to my last post. The more feedback I receive, the better information you will receive from a male POV. The thirty-second text message time frame cannot be ignored; there really is no excuse for a non-response the same day you’ve sent a text.

I’m going to step away from the text message discussion but will readdress in the next post.

Now, It seems many of you have a common query, a concern of sorts and have requested a male opinion. 

Do I date my Ex? The answer is YES…and NO.

We’ve all been there, the break up, the sudden feeling of being alone, the constant reminders of that relationship, whether good or bad. That song that comes on the radio that makes you punch a pillow in anger or cry tears whilst reaching for the tissues. Then it happens…

You get a text message or email from him asking if you’re okay. (It’s very rarely a phone call). The message telling you how much he’s missed you, the message that says: Maybe I made a mistake, can we catch up and chat about things, see if we can work things out?

You should respond: Who is this? Nothing is going to change in two weeks or two months. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you and don’t let the dribble that comes from his mouth deceive you.

Men are like dogs. We like to mark out territory and we get extremely upset if another dog is sniffing around our tree, let alone peeing on it! The messages you receive in the first month of a break up should be avoided at all costs. This is a man merely stroking his ego, as you are no longer there to stroke anything else.

If he has recently broke up with you and then contacts you in the first month, it’s for the following reasons.

·      Sex

·      To see if you have moved on (his ego)

·      Sex

·      To pick up anything he may have left behind

·      Sex

·      To keep you on the hook while he fishes elsewhere.

·      SEX

If this is happening to you then NO, it is not Okay to date your Ex. He broke up with you for a reason…or you dumped his ass for a reason; those reasons are still there and will not change. Not in a month…not in three months. The off again on again late night sex sessions are doing you no favours. You can’t tell me that you’re enjoying the sex. Surely afterwards he’s made an excuse and exited stage left, telling you that he feels bad and maybe he shouldn’t be there. It’s too soon.

Let’s say you’ve broken up with your Ex semi-amicably (I don’t believe that exists); and then, say, 18 months later you bump into him, exchange pleasantries and go your separate ways, thinking about the good times, not the bad. If he texts or emails you requesting some further face time. GO FOR IT. But under no circumstances do you contact him first. Why? You must be the receiver of the messages. This relays to my previous posts. You need to be in control of the when, where, why, how often and what time you meet. Not he. If you really want this to work then follow the rules, and treat this like a new relationship.

People do change and great relationships depend on great timing. When you’re in control of your emotions then you can begin to think with your head and not your heart.

If you have decided to walk this path, then eyes wide open please. If you see the old patterns re-emerging, the late notice about dinner plans, the 5 hour or 5 day text response times, the taking of the phone to the toilet… then pull the pin and let this go. He hasn’t changed and he won’t change. Hopefully this time, you controlled “the game” and haven’t ended up hurt.

Remember, the best predictor for future behavior is what has transpired in the past. Be open to the possibility of successfully dating your Ex, but don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.

Tell all your friends, don't forget to hit that FB like button to the right. 

I'll be in touch soon. Till then...