Cards, Chocolates, Satin Boxers and Lingerie...who needs flowers.

This is how most men feel about Valentine’s Day.

There is a conspiracy theory that this day was created by a collaboration between greeting card enthusiasts, a prominent chocolatier and a bunch of florists who were close to going out of business. I am one of the believers.

I don’t want to be a killjoy. Especially to all you women who look forward to this day of love and clever gimmicks. But I really want to give you an insight into what some men really use Valentine’s Day for. Here’s the tip: to men, VD is more than giving flowers, chocolate and some long overdue TLC.

Today is the day that men all around the world attempt to get back into the good books and right some wrongs. This is all in the hope you will get caught up in the emotion of it all, forgive and - with a little intervention from Cupid’s arrow - maybe even forget.

If you had an argument or breakup over the past 30 days, you can be confident that on this day you will receive some form of apology, greeting card, flowers or chocolates arriving at your place of employment or humble abode. And what will you do? Will you take him back? Or will you smell the fresh roses before you throw them in the bin?

Today is the day most men will feel they have to do something they have never done before. Today you are the princess, and some men will play the prince, feeling they have to whisk you away on their white stallion, take you back to their palace, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, make passionate love, giving you multiple orgasms…over and over and over again. But is that what you really want? Altogether now…

YES!

In return, we don’t want a pair of traditional silk boxers, all we really want is the best BJ you ever gave or we ever received.

You don’t have to complicate things. Remember, men are simple beings, the simpler you make today, the happier you will be, and so will he. This much I promise.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.