The K.I.S.S. principle

Tip: MEN ARE SIMPLE

I am highlighting and capitalizing this for you, not because I think you are simple-minded, but simply because this is one statement that you need to lock into your mind. Pass it on to your friends, daughters and granddaughters. Immediately.

Most men have an extremely hard time understanding our favorite subject...YOU. Women. Ironic, huh? That’s also the reason I read and re-read all the "pick-up" books, because men have little to no clue about the way women think. It’s safe to say you feel the same way about men. Enter Kent Clark and his blog.

Though we are simple creatures, we come in many forms. Below are two extreme examples of men you will most likely never encounter in your life. However, like Big Foot or the Loch Ness monster, some believe that these men do exist. After watching these videos you will further understand my previous post about the necessity of “the list”.

                       

Notice the two extremes. One is based on primal instincts. The other has been spawned since the dawn of time, based on the fairytale that most women want in their personal lives.

Sadly for you, most men can’t deliver the complete fairytale that most of you have been brought up to believe is true. We are simply not built that way. We struggle with real emotion, unless we are watching some form of entertainment or sport. If we do show emotions during that time, you will inevitably kill the mood by posing questions that are irrelevant for that time and place. "Does my bum look big in this?", I hope you all realize that there is no correct answer for this question at any time, let alone whilst we are perusing a major sporting event.

Nowadays, most men show their love for their partners by posting on Facebook: I am in a relationship. If he really likes you, he may even mention your name and the current status of said relationship. Yes, this has made it easier for men to communicate their feelings. It may not be the “you complete me” moment you always dreamed of, but to the average male it means just as much.

As days and blogs go by, I will elaborate on the differences between men and women. I will highlight the traits of both good and bad men, assisting you in avoiding the type who may lead you on a merry dance.

  

So, if you are in a relationship and he doesn’t have your name posted on his Facebook page and you do, ask him why.

If you are in a relationship for longer than 6 weeks, yet you haven’t met his friends, family or work colleagues…ask yourself why.

If you ever randomly bump into one of his friends or “acquaintances” and he introduces you as his friend, or worse yet, as just “Hi, this is” “insert your name”, tell him to fuck off.

Till the next time I type.

Be careful what you wish for, but just make sure you wish.

Another weekend has come and gone, and with it, many a phone number, Facebook page and twitter address has been exchanged. Were you one of the lucky or unlucky ones? 

Before you can answer this question, I need to ask another. Did your list accompany you out this weekend? Is it written on your Iphone, Blackberry, or any other portable electronic device (no not that one)? Is there even a list written at all? 

What list am I talking about, I hear you ask?  Read on… 

I actually learned about this list by random chance some years ago. I was exiting a store and briskly returning to my car as it was raining. As I opened my car door, I heard a wolf whistle come from a group of women who were waiting under shelter for the rain to pass. I looked over and smiled. They laughed and said “not you…your car.” I found that quite amusing. So I offered them a ride. 

“Let the games begin!”

They were headed to a bar for some drinks. Once we arrived at the designated address, they invited me in and, of course, I accepted. Once the pleasantries were out of the way, they began talking about how all men were bastards. I asked which one of them had recently been burnt. Two of them smiled and pointed at their friend in unison. She quickly stated, “That won’t ever happen again. I’ll never settle for anything less than-“. She quickly stopped talking and seemed embarrassed. 

Her friend blurted out the big secret: “Come on, show him the list.” That’s when it all began.  

This girl had a list of 25 points that she wanted in a man. I asked her what she would be willing to settle for, as NO MAN IS PERFECT. She said she wanted at least 22 out of the 25 requirements fulfilled. I asked if I could have a shot at the title. She laughed it off and quickly reminded me that we had only known each other for two hours. I quickly reminded her that if her list was accurate enough, then the fact that I am still here after two hours must account for at least 10 points on that list! 

She then showed me the list and I noticed the 25^th item on the list: is he a good kisser? This was my way in. Confidence without arrogance. I stated, “Well, I know I have number 25 in the bag.” She giggled, and I responded. “And number 16 and number 20.” 

Does he make me laugh? Does he have a good sense of humour? Check, and check. 

So we pushed on. I hit 21 out of 25, just scraping in on the height bracket. She laughed and said, “so close”. I responded, “yes, for you. You’ll never get to see if number 25 is true unless I ask you out for a follow up drink, and I don’t think I’m going to.” I did.

We went out a couple of times, but the damage had been done and the challenge was over. She let me into her game way too early. She should have kept some things on that list secret. The mystery had faded all too fast. We had both learnt what we needed to know about one another via a list that I was never meant to see.  

TIP: Keep your cards close to your chest; only show them once he has shown his. 

All criticism aside, this was one of the first women I have ever come across who had a plan. She had been hurt too many times before and had decided to take a stand. Good for her. 

I encourage all those reading to do the same. She is now happily married to a guy she met soon after dating me. I was so impressed by her affirmative stance and the clarity of her list that I decided to become her adviser, as I am hoping to be yours from here on in.  

No road is long with good company.

Good morning, good afternoon or good evening. Happy New Year and welcome to The Blog That Men Don’t Want Women To Read.

So what was your New Year’s resolution? Mine was this blog…and to make a commitment to YOU, dear reader. 

I am here to offer insight into the male psyche on dating and women as never written before. You will come to think of me as the gay male friend you always wanted but never had…except that I’m straight and I am going to tell you how it really is, without fluffing your pillows. I’ll leave that to your new man. 

 

Now I know there is a plethora of relationship and dating guides out there for women, but you’ll agree they are strangely incomplete. Some concentrate on certain areas of relationships but don’t delve deep enough into others, leaving you with a pleasant but unsatisfied feeling (most of you reading may know this feeling all too well). I’m here to stimulate you, to peak your curiosity, to make you see that YES WE CAN, YES I CAN! 

“Good guys" do exist; you just don’t know how to find us. I'll show you how. Contrary to some beliefs, not all men are bastards 

I will discuss men’s behaviour during the various stages of a relationship; what I like to refer to as the relationship arc. I'll provide you with information to help you avoid the treacherous pattern.

The angst-ridden pre-dating ritual;

the unpredictable mid-relationship rollercoaster;

 the never-saw-it-coming, yet oddly inevitable break up;

the emotionally,  physically and spiritually exhausting recovery;

and, with Kent Clark out of the picture, no hope of the Happily Ever After.

 

These are crazy times. What gentlemen once referred to as the courting period, players now refer to as The Game. I’ll give you tips on how to scope out and avoid the false charisma, empty charm and arrogance of the “true player”.  You will rediscover the power of the vagina. Learn to use it to your advantage. Ladies, it’s time to get liberated.

*Tip: The more you make us wait, the longer we will date. FACT!

This is a forum for open discussion, so please feel free to post questions and comments. You can do so anonymously.  I will endeavor to respond to each one with my honest opinion. Unlike the minutemen you may have experienced in the past, I won’t leave you disappointed.

Here’s a line from Jerry McGuire that I think best sums up my philosophy (BTW, if you haven’t seen this film, make it a priority. It’s a great movie to watch with or without your partner. It was also Tom Cruise before he messed up Oprah’s couch):

Oh, and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for regular tips and updates. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter, so don’t be shy!

And remember, in a big, bad world, it pays to be good.

Much love in the pursuit of life,